Romans 4:18-21 (New Living Translation)

18 Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!”^[a] 19 And Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah’s womb.

20 Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. 21 He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.

When the doctor told me there was no hope for this pregnancy, I took his word for it. I could have opted for the D&C to end the pregnancy right away, but for some reason felt like I needed to wait. I’ve been in a weird limbo ever since. Feeling pregnant physically, but mentally and emotionally convinced that it’s over. Until yesterday. Yesterday I felt a nudging from God that maybe I shouldn’t give up so easily. Maybe I need to have a tad bit of faith that he really could do a miracle here.

I have issues with hope. I am afraid to get my hopes up for most things, afraid that if I do it would make the let down hurt that much more if what I’m hoping for doesn’t come to be. So I am hesitant to hope for a miracle here. I am terrified to let my mind wander to the place of possibility, the idea that maybe this pregnancy isn’t over. I don’t want to be that naive girl who expects unrealistic things. Fortunately, God understands these fears of mine. I believe it was God (not Google) that brought me to these two websites:

The Misdiagnosed Miscarriage Site – “We believe, based on the numerous stories that have found their way into the Misdiagnosed stories forum, that having a retroverted uterus may alter when you may see your baby via ultrasound.”

When a Blighted Ovum is not a Blighted Ovum – “My name is Kay and I am the mother of a four year old not-so-blighted ovum. I was misdiagnosed back in 2002 and told at my 5 1/2 and 6 week ultrasounds that I most likely had a blighted ovum.  After my 7 and 8 week ultrasounds, my doctor strongly recommended a D&C due to blighted ovum. At nearly 9 weeks, we saw my baby for the first time on ultrasound, beating heart and all!”

Apparently it is not so unrealistic to hope for a miracle after all! I read some of the stories on the Misdiagnosed forums and many of them sound similar to mine. I have a retroverted uterus, which could explain why they could not find the fetal pole with both of my ultrasounds.

I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. According to the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage Site, “A blighted ovum is a fertilized egg that implants but does not develop. The gestational sac continues to grow but the baby does not grow within the sac. If the case is a true blighted ovum, the yolk and fetal pole will not be present.” In my case, they were able to see the yolk sac. I think this gives me even more reason to hope.

All of this is science and nature and miracles – stuff I won’t even pretend to understand. The bottom line is that it’s not over until God says it’s over. I can wait with confidence that he is in control and he knows what’s best for me. And that’s all I really need to know.