Can’t you just tell me already?
I don’t stress about money as much as I used to, but occasionally I come away from balancing the checkbook with a crummy feeling in my gut. Not because of the numbers. The numbers look fine. Miraculously, we are doing fine right now. More than fine, really. God is providing for us. Yet still I have this crummy feeling. It’s the control freak inside me screaming, “What’s the plan? What’s gonna happen next? I need to know!” And as much as I scream, God never tells me what’s next. It’s really freakin’ annoying. And the old saying, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future” does not offer any reassurance. I am still human no matter how many times you say that to me. I still want to know!
I have so many variables up in the air right now and it is driving me crazy. But the good news is that it’s only been driving me crazy since yesterday and that crummy feeling will dissipate in a few days. That’s usually how it goes. Oh I’m sure it will come back to haunt me but it never stays for long. Thank God for that. And thank God for providing for us and for NOT telling me what’s coming next. Because if he did, you know I would just have to get my grubby hands in there and muck it up.
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June 23rd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
I think I used to enjoy balancing my checkbook more when I had no money at all. Maybe the pleasure from making something out of nothing…would override the lack of control feeling. Now that we are doing better with money…I get so much anxiety when I balance the checkbook. Maybe it is the unkown…or the fear of going back to “paycheck to paycheck”…who knows. But, I guess when we were living so broke….at least we knew what to expect….just say no to everything because we have nothing. But now…it is a matter of “what can we really afford”…and who knows!!
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Well said, well said. You nailed it exactly! I fear going back to that place. Right now we have a bit of cushion and my fear is that we’ll get sloppy and waste it away. But if that would be the worst of it then what’s the big deal? We’ve been there before, we know how to handle it. And most importantly, God has ALWAYS provided for our needs. Not me, not Mike, GOD. I just need to keep reminding myself of that fact.
June 24th, 2009 at 12:44 am
I’ve pretty much decided life would be simpler if God would just sign up for Facebook. It would take all the guess work out of life. In reality it would also negate the need for faith and there for kinda destroy what He’s been working at but still, an impatient girl can dream….