Life has taken a serious detour
I’m not going to go into too much detail here because it’s a lot to explain, so let me try to summarize.
The problem showed itself more than 5 weeks ago when I started to experience numbness and tingling in the left side of my face. Around that time I also started experiencing a great deal of pain and itching in my upper arm. We consulted with doctors, made a trip to the emergency room, and eventually scored a referral to a neurologist. The neurologist ordered an MRI of my brain. Since I am pregnant there isn’t much testing they can do, but a brain MRI is a good start. About one week after the MRI I started experiencing numbness and tingling in my feet. It scared me, but I hung on to the hope that it was just caused by the pregnancy. Then the numbness started spreading. Over the course of a week or so, the numbness spread upward on my right side, all the way up to my breastbone. In addition to numbness and tingling, I also started noticing that my muscles felt very weak in my right leg and I was having trouble walking (more trouble than you would expect even at 7 months pregnant). It scared me – big time - but I hung on to the hope that it was just caused by the pregnancy.
I finally met with the neurologist to go over my MRI results just this past Tuesday. My husband came with me for support (he would have it no other way) and it was a good thing he did. As I sat there at the neurologist’s desk, the doctor announced to us as gently and compassionately as he could that I have multiple sclerosis. If you put all the pieces together - the three occurrences of numbness and tingling, the MRI results, and possibly the third nerve palsy I experienced in 2004 – MS is the only explanation.
And this changes everything.
The unknown is always scary. Giving my experience a name doesn’t exactly cure that. Multiple sclerosis is a whole world of unknowns. Everyone’s experience is as unique as their fingerprints. And you just don’t know what your experience will end up looking like. My faith in God is crucial in dealing with this. I am scared, but I can’t imagine how much more scared I would be if I didn’t have my relationship with God.
What do I do next? Well, at this point we are focusing on getting me through this pregnancy. The Neuro tells us that the chance of having a greater “attack” within 3 months of having a baby is very high. He recommends an injectible drug that I would need to start taking immediately after I have the baby. It’s not safe for pregnancy or breastfeeding, so I’ll have to start stocking up on formula. It’s a bummer because I was planning on breastfeeding, but I know it’s important for a momma to be healthy so she can care for her children. Healthy mom, healthy baby. That’s what matters.
We’ve also had a complete reversal in our childbirth plans. I was so gung-ho on having a natural delivery so I could let my body do what it’s designed to do. The irony here has not escaped me. Now my body is changing in ways it shouldn’t. With all the numbness, tingling, and muscle weakness I do not believe my body could successfully push out a baby. We have decided to schedule a repeat cesearean section and strangely, I have complete peace about it. In four short weeks I’ll be holding my baby in my arms. And I hope to have moments upon moments where that will be all that matters. I hope to let all this talk of illness and fear fade to the back while I enjoy gazing into my daughter’s eyes and counting her fingers and toes.
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October 8th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Mindy,
My heart goes out to you, as well as my prayers. So glad that you have that personal relationsip with Jesus. I’m glad I do too, when dad shared the news to me about your health I went to the Lord on your behalf. I miss you and Luke as you already kow… going through my stuff too…but as we both know God is faithful and is seeing us through this, just as He has all our lives. Lets cling to Him..there is no better place to be than wrapped in His arms. I love you and pray for you and the family daily. xoxoxox
love,
Claudia
October 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Prayers for you and your family mindy!!
October 8th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Mindy,
You are so loved! Daniel and I will be praying for you. Continue to find peace in the Lord!! Stay positive and know how many people out there are praying for you.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Mindy,
I was a bit shocked when you told me yesterday. Now I just want to hug you. Love you much. If there’s ever anything you need, you know I’m here.
You and Mike and Luke are in my thoughts and prayers.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Wow. So sorry to hear the news. I pray that your symptoms diminish and that your health is restored. I’m glad you’re at peace with your delivery and nursing decisions. I totally agree, you have to take care of yourself to be the best mama you can be. You’re in our thoughts and prayers. ***hugs***
kim´s last blog ..Dreams that come true
October 8th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Mindy,
I’m in shock after reading your blog yet I am so thankful for your strong faith in our Savior. I passed your name onto our HUMC prayer chain and want you to know how much your friends out here love you and care for you, and will support you in prayer especially since that is the most important thing we can do.
Big hugs to you.
Love,
Del
October 8th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Mindy -
Know this … there are many people around you who love you and care very much for you, Mike and your family and will always be here for you at any time.
Yes, life can throw some nasty curves at us but how we respond is the true measure of ourselves. I know you are strong and Mike’s presence I am sure will lend to your ability to cope.
Your mom and I love you guys very much. Hang in there and don’t hesitate to call upon us for anything.
Dave
October 8th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Ah, yes. It always comes down to God. With the frailty and unpredictability of Life, is it no wonder why we want our children to have a deep and sustaining relationship with the Almighty. No legacy, no inheritance, no teaching can match it. As deep as my sadness is for you at this time, it doesn’t compare to height of Hope I have for you in the future. God will continue to do wonderful things through you, because you choose Him every day. Regardless of the circumstances of your life, or your body, God will always float to the top. MS is a scary foe, but it will not claim you. God has already done that. Love You Daughter. Love You.
October 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Hi Mindy, I am so sorry to hear about your condition. Stay strong and positive (not that you of all people need the reminder). I’ll be thinking about you and your family. xoxo
October 8th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Mindy,
These are times when that knowledge of being a child of God, is what we can hold onto knowing he is walking with us, or even carrying us when walking is too much.
I’m sorry for what you have to endure in the physical world…but so glad that you have a God to take care of you in the midst of all of this. I don’t know much about what MS does or doesn’t do…so anything that we can do for you, please let me know.
I echo your dad, that thankfully you know who you are and also whose you are.
I am in prayer for you for healing and strength to get through this pregnancy healthy, praying for Mike and Luke and this new baby too that they will see you as the strong momma and woman that you are, regardless of anything.
Love you—–
October 8th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Mindy, know that I have had you on my prayer list even prior to you expecting this little gal. I will walk daily with you in prayer. God is good, and He does have a plan, even tho’ we can not always see it. Isn’t it wonderful you can lean on your faith, and look to our Lord in these times of unknown. I realize MS has a realm of unknowns as you explained, every one different. Attacks, remissions, I know of a couple women that had 40-60 yr remission type affect. You just don’t know, and I am sure that is maybe the scary part. Like the footprints in the sand, God will carry you and Mike at the need be times. Mindy we love you, and continue to whisper your name to our Lord.
October 8th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
We all love you sooo much! If there is anything we can do for you, let us know!! I hope things start to feel better! You are a strong women that can make it through anything! You are always in my thoughts and prayers! Miss you, and Love you!
October 8th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Dear Mindy
I am typing this thru tears. In fact it’s a good thinf ai’m not writing on paper as you would see the spots. I know that you trust in the Lord will carry thru this scary time. I was so happy to see you are pregnant. And to think your little guy will have a little sister. It took us four boys before we got our girl. Needless to say we have you in our prayers. Also your family.
Maxine
October 9th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Melinda, All that God is, you are, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Acknowledge yourself and your persistence, your grace in the face of great change, your humility and willingness to share yourself with all of us, with your children and husband, your strength in looking at your present moment with such bravery (which really boils down to faith in the face of fear). Look at yourself and see how dedicated you are to your children, to their journey through this life. See all that God has gifted IN you, AS you. It’s ok to be amazed and what the Lord has done and created and HE has created you, a creature to be marvelled at, to be honored and loved, who builds and retains a connection to her God. What could be better than that, than you? A true joy and expression of God. I am honored to know you.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Mindy,
Marilyn and I will be praying for you, and keeping you in our thoughts throughout this incredible situation. I am very sad to read this news.
You are an extraordinarily good person, and a true role-model. I have no doubt the relationship you have with the Lord, combined with the love and support of the people around you, will help ease the pain and sadness that follows. As you move forward, please know that you are loved.
With great respect,
Michael and Marilyn Mays
October 9th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Well, Miss Mindy, let me be the first to say it, this news sucks!
Let me say just one more thing at this time. Regardless of what form this disease takes in your life, I promise never to look at you see only MS. You are and will remain my niece who is in love with life and family, an excellent author/writer/dreamer with lots of insight and wisdom – beyond your years. I will read, listen, and learn with you as you find new, clever, creative, and honest ways of sharing not only what is going with your body, but with your life, in the years ahead. I will never forget you have MS, but I will not let it define how I see you.
While I admire your words of bravery as you come to grips with this diagnosis, know that for me, it’s not expected all the time. If you ever choose, from time to time, to play with anger or frustration about this, that is quite okay, and I’d suggest, quite normal and very healthy.
God understands human expressions of resentment, anger, abandonment, and all of it is okay. Largely I would suppose because even when we are really mad at God, at least we’re still talking to God! Giving expression to feelings of rancor and bile doesn’t mean you don’t have a deep faith…it just means you’re mad and pissed! (many of the Psalm s are first half anger, second half praise. Excellent reading when things aren’t going well.) All I’m saying is that being faithful doesn’t mean always being upbeat and demure. Your faith is never in doubt with we me regardless of what shape/form your emotions may take.
Now…about this new baby. A C-section means you can make very specific plans! I look forward to hearing more about those lists as the day draws nearer.
Love and prayers,
Unkie Mike
October 9th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Mindy,
We will also be praying for you as you endure this health issue. I’m comforted by the fact that your faith in God and his unending love will be with you and your family.
Your sister in Christ,
Laura Colegio
October 12th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Hey girl. Our hearts and prayers go out to you, even more so, during this time. When Mike told Shawn I couldn’t believe it. But, I knew that God would continue to provide and care for you and your family. If there is anything we can do, besides pray, give us a call.
Love you,
Mo, Bee, and Dax
October 13th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Oh Mindy, I am SO sorry. I don’t know what else to say other than I am here if you need anything – anything at all. I will also be praying for you, Mike, Luke & baby girl. God’s goodness & love WILL be shown to you in your situation and I have hope for a recovery! Love you girl, let me know if you need anything.
Oh, by the way, I’ll be sending your gift this week. I’ve been sidelined with my own health issues the last couple weeks, and forgot it was sitting on my chair still! When you get it, you gotta tell me what you think.
Love you!