Today was my first day back to work after maternity leave. It went very well. Better than expected. I’m not sure what I expected exactly, but I definitely thought it would be harder. Mostly because I have had such a wonderful time bonding with Luke and I wasn’t looking forward to leaving him all day. I am extremely thankful he gets to stay home with his daddy, but I was just sad that I would miss out on all those laughs. He’s such a great kid. Two and a half is a great age. It was hard to be away all day at work today but Luke squealed with joy when I came home. That just makes it all worth it.

But here’s the thing. He’s adorable as all get-out, but he’s also I think much smarter than we realize. In the days leading up to my return to work he kept coming up to me and telling me he missed me. “I miss you, Momma. I wuvver Momma (aka I love you)”. And if that isn’t enough to break your heart, he also likes to ask if I’m okay, or if I’ve fallen, or offer to help me walk. That’s the part that really hurts to hear. I don’t want him worrying about his momma or feeling like he needs to help me. It kind of brings the realization that MS doesn’t just affect me. It affects the whole family. And I start to wonder what it’s going to be like for the kids to grow up with a mom who has physical struggles and disabilities. Will they get teased at school because their mom walks like a drunk? Will they be constantly worrying about Momma falling? Will they be sad when Momma can’t even play a simple game of tag or kickball? I never really asked these questions before because I figured they wouldn’t come into play until the kids are much older, but already it seems to be affecting Luke. And that makes me very sad. It warms my heart that he cares and that he senses when something is wrong, but it makes me sad because I don’t want him to try to carry any of my burden. I mean, come on. He’s not even three years old. It’s just not right.