Giving up in a good way
Today I am deciding to give up. Not giving up on fighting MS or whatever the hell that means, but giving up on trying to be pleasant 24/7. I’m about to crack. The dam is leaking. I’ve been on the verge of tears for too long than I care for. To give you a bit of perspective on me and my tolerance for crying, too long means around two weeks. I’m tired of being on the verge of tears. I’m sick of being consumed by this disease. I’m done hearing myself talk about it all the time (as are those around me, I’m sure).
So here is what needs to happen. I need to stop pretending everything is okay, accept what’s going on with my body, embrace it, and move on. I’m moving through the stages of grief, that’s all. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I imagine I may have to move through the stages again with every relapse, but have hope that it will get easier each time.
I still have so much to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband. Beautiful son and daughter. Terrific extended family and friends. Great job, church, house, a car that runs. And to top it all off I now have a cane with flames. So take that! If I’m gonna live with this disease I’m gonna do it with some syle.
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March 8th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
I think you do have to allow yourself to be a little angry – if you can in a constructive way. We don’t want you to become a powder keg about to blow up with pent up feelings.
If it helps to vent to me I am willing to listen.
Love you lots, Mom
Mom´s last blog ..drugs
March 8th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Good for you!
March 8th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Sounds like a plan! Need to see pics of the “flaming cane.” I still have the cane that Rod Kuehnle carved for my husband. He carved both our names on it so I’ve kept it for when it’s my turn to use it. Guess we have to make use of any of God’s provisions to make it through the struggles. Sending love and prayers to a very special person, you, with the cleansing tears in your eyes.
March 18th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Girl – you do what you have to do! Your friends will be your friends, your family will still be family and we’ll all still love you for the incredible person you are!
Your mom is right, being a powder keg is not a good thing!
Prayers for you and your beautiful family!!