Anger management for toddlers
My son and I have been learning a valuable lesson together. We are learning anger management and the art of counting to ten. Mind you, he is 3 years old so learning to count is not out of the ordinary. He has known how to count to ten for some time now. I am 32. I have known how to count to ten for much longer. So it is not actually the counting we are learning. That we already know how to do.
I have been trying to teach Luke that when he gets very frustrated or angry (which is often in the life of a fiercely independent three year old), he can calm down by breathing slowly and counting to ten. What’s interesting is that after a week or so of lecturing Luke with the “breathe, count to ten” mantra, I didn’t really see much of a change in his behavior.
It is true that kids follow after what we do, not what we say. I was very intentional about teaching Luke this lesson in anger management for a week or so before I realized I needed to take some of my own advice. If I keep having temper tantrums and make excuses for my behavior and never try to change it, how can I expect any different from my child? When I get very frustrated or angry (which has been increasingly more frequent lately) I can count too. I can breathe slowly and I can count to ten. So having come to this realization, I am really making a conscious effort to be more calm.
Less yelling. More breathing. More counting.
Do you know? It already seems to be working! Today at dinnertime Luke started to throw a fit because I wouldn’t let him sip his fruit punch and walk at the same time (I didn’t try explaining to him that even grown adults can’t walk while chewing gum, so of course a toddler can’t do it while drinking). He started to flip out when I took the cup away but I remained calm. Before I even had a chance to say anything more he stopped, took one look at the floor and then at me and said, “Ten. {deep breath} Five. {another deep breath} Four. Three. One. Ten.” Then he continued his walk to the dinner table, sans fruit punch, completely calm.
I don’t even care that the numbers were out of order, I’m just proud and astonished that Luke was able to calm himself down like that. Of course he knows how to count to ten, but when one is about to flip their lid they can’t be expected to worry about the details.





