Turtles can’t breathe under water. They can hold their breath for really long periods of time, but eventually they have to come up for air. I feel like a turtle right now. I’ve been wandering around the bottom of the sea and now I’m on that long journey back up to the surface. I’ve almost run out of air.

Something most people are surprised to learn about me is that I am an introvert. When I am overwhelmed I retreat into myself like a turtle tucking its head under its shell. Once I am in a place like that it is hard to un-retreat. This is where I am at. I was quite busy with tax season and FPU class and now that both are over I’m finding it hard to get back to “normal”. I have a constant urge to veg. I’ve been shirking all my domestic duties. I’ve had limited contact with family and friends. I haven’t even felt like blogging. I’m acting like I’m on vacation. Unfortunately, I am not on vacation and my life won’t just manage itself. I’m headed for a mental breakdown if I don’t get out of this rut soon.

Actually, don’t things start to look better after a good cry? Maybe I need to fast forward to the mental breakdown and just get it over with. Maybe then I’ll be ready to poke my head out of my shell and start acting like a responsible adult again

The continuation of my public introspection as I read “48 Days to the Work You Love” by Dan Miller (my answers to the questions at the end of each chapter):  

1. Respond to the statement, “All progress requires change, but not all change is progress.”
I think this is true. We can change this up but unless we are making progress and working toward a goal, we’ll grow tired after a time.

2. What statement describes your career path so far?
So far it has been lateral and lacking in a clear focus.

3. How has a company change affected you? How did it make you feel?
An employer decided they were going to cut our insurance benefits, and the proposed cost was a huge blow to our family budget. I felt betrayed because I had only recently started working there and had agreed to a lower wage than I wanted simply because our insurance benefits were to be paid for.

4. Have you experienced any “failure” in your career? If so, what did it lead to?
I think the fact that I’m earning less than I was eight years ago is a huge failure.

5. What were your childhood goals and ambitions for life? Which ones have you been able to fulfill?
I only remember in high school having aspirations of teaching Special Education. In fact, that was my college major until I dropped out (I since went back to college and earned my Accounting degree). Can any of you family members out there help me answer this question?

6. Who are 2 or 3 people you know who seem to have accomplished their dreams? What do you remember about their accomplishments?
This is a tough one. I’ll have to give it more thought and come back to it. I’m curious if any of you can answer this though! If you know anyone like this leave a comment and tell us about them, especially if it’s you!

7. What do you imagine your retirement will be like?
Lots of free time to be available to people - time for family, friends, church, and volunteering.

Previous Chapters:
My “48 Days” Journey - Chapter 1

I just started reading 48 Days to the Work You Love, by Dan Miller. I’ve heard a lot about the book from Dave Ramsey and have wanted to read it, so I finally broke down and purchased a copy. Dan Miller offers up great questions for reflection at the end of each chapter and since I don’t do much pen and paper journaling anymore, I’m going to use the blog to keep track of my answers. Lucky readers, you get to follow along. If this book is the lifechanger Dave says it is, you should be able to catch at least a smidgen of inspiration from these Q & A’s. Let’s hope.

1. Who gave you your first job? What kind of job was it? How much money did you make?
My first job was at the local State Farm Insurance Agency. There was a high school student who worked a 3-5 pm shift so the agent’s assistant didn’t have to work so late. She was graduating and the agent who owned the place knew me (it was a small town) and hired me to replace her. I basically ran the office for those two hours every weekday. I think it paid around $6 per hour. I was 15.

2. From looking at your work life so far, what has been of the greatest value or worth?
I learned the most professionally while working for a struggling software company. A CEO basically ran it near to the ground, racking up all kinds of debt. He was ousted, then the Vice President took over and worked hard at making it profitable again. By that time the size of the company had dwindled to 6 or so employees. That job came with extreme challenges but it was the only job I truly loved. I especially learned a lot from the new head honcho. He was an intelligent, laid-back, well-spoken man with a good head for business. He knew how to spin criticism in such a positive way that it made you want to be better. I learned a lot through that experience about problem solving, communication, and working as a team.

3. If your job changes, does your purpose change?
No. I can’t say my job is helping me fulfill my purpose.

4. Do you think your current job will exist 5 years from now?
I’m not counting on it.

5. What would be the key characteristics of an ideal job or career?
In my ideal job I would be helping people in some way, making a difference in people’s lives.

6. When you daydream, what do you see yourself doing?
Recently I had the opportunity to help a few individuals with their personal budgets. It was exhilarating. I really felt like I was able to help, and they were all very appreciative. It was as if I had helped lift the weight off their shoulders. I think I would enjoy doing stuff like that more often. Oh, and a flexible schedule would be awesome.

7. What have been the happiest, most fulfilling moments in your life?
This is a tough one. Let me think about it… Okay, some fulfilling moments I can think of: volunteering at the children’s grief camp, working in the mail room at Chrysalis, and coordinating Financial Peace University. All of these are experiences that, although they are hard work, they always leave me rejuvenated and energized.

8. If nothing changed in your life in the next 5 years, would that be OK?
No way! I want to be growing and changing, and in the professional arena I would hope to be making a little more money and be doing something that I love, which is the whole point of reading this book!

So I decided recently I want to listen to God again. Not that I consciously decided not to, it sort of happens gradually. Eventually I realize I’ve veered off the road and I jerk the wheel to get back on. That’s the fun part for me, apparently. What I love is that as soon as I make the decision to get back in touch, God is right there. There is no searching around for him. He does not play Hide and Seek.

Yesterday I said to myself: “I’ve had it! I’m just going to call him. It’s been ages since we talked.” So I did, and we talked, and then he started showing me what he had to show me. And I always know it’s him because he seems to teach in themes, showing me several things in succession that are all related somehow.

Last night I was blogging and I read an interview with an author who talks about self-improvement (Uncommon Lifestyles and the Truth About the 4-Hour Workweek). The author, Tim Ferriss, talks about emphasizing your strengths, not your weaknesses:

Focus on leveraging and amplifying your strengths, which allows you to multiply your results.   Fix any fatal weaknesses to extent that they prevent you from reaching your goals, but perfection isn’t the path to your objectives; finding ways to cater to your strengths is. 

That stuck with me for some reason. Then this morning I found a devotional in my inbox entitled “Play to Your Strength.”

We appreciate the gifts God has given to each of us. These differences have created a need for one another. God wants each of us to need one another. The Scriptures describe the Body of Christ in the same way. Each person is a member of His Body with gifts and talents designed to make His Body perform as a multi-talented group, all playing to the same tune.

The devotional presents some good questions. “What has God equipped you for? What role has he called you to play in God’s Kingdom?” I haven’t asked these questions of myself in a long time, but maybe it’s time to revisit them. I’m not sure where God is going with this but you can be sure I’m paying attention.

1 Corinthians 12:4
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit.

My stepmom is currently in the hospital for emergency gallbladder surgery. I just spoke with her and she is heavily medicated, waiting for the hospital to have an opening to take her in for surgery. She has never been good with pain and I’m sure she is scared right now, so I’m just asking that you take a minute to pray for her.

I’m reading an autobiography by Joanie Yoder called “Finding The God-Dependent Life.” Joanie was my great aunt. She was a missionary in England so I didn’t see her very often, but the few times I did get the privilege to spend time with her, we had wonderful, memorable conversations. She passed away in 2004 and she is certainly missed. She was loved dearly by many, including me. The story of her life is quite amazing. She shares in her book how she struggled with extreme anxiety and agoraphobia and how she overcame it through prayer and dependence on God. In the particular section I read today she tells of how she started a Bible study for the women in her neighborhood. At the first meeting she was terrified to speak to the women, much less pray with them, but she was determined to try. She had that mustard seed of faith that God would give her the strength. She said in order to step out in faith she had to decide that she was willing to fail in her efforts for the Lord.

As I was reading that chapter in her life I immediately thought of my Financial Peace class at church. Leading this class has been a total expansion of my comfort zone, but there is one area I still really hold back in. At the end of each night I sense a nudging from the Holy Spirit that I need to pray with my small group, and at the end of each night I ignore that nudging because I’m afraid. I am deciding today to take my Aunt Joanie’s attitude with me to class tomorrow. I need to be willing to sound like a complete and utter bumbling idiot in an effort to pray with my group, because that’s where I know God is trying to lead me. Group prayer has always been a challenge for me but I must not let fear keep me from it anymore.

It’s so silent in my house right now. Luke is sleeping. The cats are sleeping. Mike is out playing darts. (He’s in a league. Yes, they have leagues for that.) I don’t have the tv on, though I will definitely by 10:00 to watch Top Chef Season 4, Episode 2. I am looking forward to that, but right now it’s just nice to rest. I have returns to work on but most are waiting for information. Tonight I’m taking a break. I need it. This has been a rough week so far. There is crap going on at work. I don’t really want to talk about it but I will say that I think it’s all going to be okay. I’ve been praying a lot and trying to remain adultish in how I behave and both those things seem to be helping. Yes, I realize I’m using words that don’t exist. It’s just one of those make-up-words days.

When I happen to have a collection of nanoseconds all in a row I tend to think about how my life looked before I was a mother. Days and weeks slipped through my fingers much more quickly. I spent my Saturdays loafing around the house and watching Lifetime movies. I spent all kinds of hours agonizing over my laziness and wallowing in guilt for not folding the laundry or vacuuming the floors. I use to analyze my life and who I was and where I was going. I was a woman of extreme thought and melancholy. Now I have become a woman of action. I have no time to waste so I do not waste time. I vacuum when I can and I fold laundry while playing with my son. I do not sleep until 11 am on Saturdays and I don’t take naps. I cherish every minute. Even when Luke naps, I can’t bring myself to nap at the same time because when you are asleep you are unconscious and you wake up feeling like you lost all that time. I want to be awake to enjoy the peacefulness and the lack of responsibility. It is such a wonderful feeling, but after awhile you start to feel weird. Weird, like something is missing. That’s when you realize that you don’t mind the responsibility so much and you look forward to the end of your baby’s nap when you can see again the light in his eyes and his big toothless grin (Yes, he’s ten months old and still no teeth).

My life has changed so much. I knew it would, that doesn’t surprises me. What surprises me is how well I’m handling it. Even though I had been waiting eagerly all those years to have a baby, I still always had some apprehension that maybe I wasn’t up for it. Maybe I wouldn’t have the energy or the patience or the mental capacity. I didn’t have those things much before and what surprises me is that God is giving me all those things now, now that I need them (the verdict is still out on the mental capacity). I cannot believe all the things I am able to accomplish in a week and still have all my hair by Sunday. There are days when I plop down and say I’m so tired I can’t do a thing more, but then I rest for five minutes and somehow find the motivation to do what needs to be done. Anyone who knows me knows that is a miracle. I am the queen of relaxation and finding the easy way out.

I don’t have a caboose for this train of thought. I’m terrible at openers and closers. Why don’t I just leave you with these famous last words: “Don’t touch the red button!”

Sorry, I have a weird sense of humor.

From a January 2008 podcast of “A Prairie Home Companion’s News from Lake Wobegon”:

I had a boy under the old system of parenthood, back before most of you were born. This under the old system, where men were out busy hunting and fighting heathen savages and we were just brought into villages for breeding purposes then we wandered off again and we’d come back to see the child after the child was born. We’d walk in smeared with blood and one ear half chewed off wrapped in animal skins and we’d walk in and look at the child and we’d grunt and then we’d go off and hunt and fight some more and eventually the child sort of grew up on his own and you came  back and here was this young man there.

And now to have a child under the new system of parenthood, in which parents are assumed to be vitally involved in every step of their child’s life and arrange their children’s social life and read every book available on the subject of childrearing, which is like having a second unpaid job.

Makes me nostalgic for the old way that I grew up under. (more…)

Behind the Abortion Decline

“Between 2000 and 2005, the last year in the study by the Guttmacher Institute, the number of abortions performed yearly dropped from 1.3 million to 1.2 million, the fewest since 1974. The proportion of pregnancies ending in abortion also declined significantly.”

I am 100% pro-life. I used to be extremely vocal about it. I was hard core and fought for my cause often at the expense of others. I stepped on a lot of people’s toes. I looked only at the issue and not at the people. Somewhere along the line God softened my heart and helped me to see with Christ’s eyes. I have always been on the Republican side of the fence (and still am) and have always been fairly ignorant to the view of the “other side.” It was when I began working with a bunch of pro-choice Democrats (gasp!) that I started to see things differently. (more…)

I was at my mother-in-law’s house for New Year’s Eve and I had a memorable conversation with a good friend of hers. I was complaining about all the cat hair in our house, and how it’s starting to get on my nerves now that Luke is mobile. She suggested I brush the cats with a flea comb once a day to help cut down on the shedding. Just a quick brush, 30 seconds at most. Keep the comb by the food so I won’t forget, she says. I rejected her suggestion by listing all the other things I have to remember to do on a daily basis and ranting that I already had to add to the list brushing my teeth at night, cuz the dentist told me to. She thought I was joking because she had never met anyone who did not brush their teeth at least twice a day. (She must not get out much. We’re everywhere, trust me.) I also confessed that I don’t scoop the cat litter nearly as much as I should, though I know it’s not healthy for the cats and it just makes more work for me in the end.

In the end. That’s the part I never think about. (more…)

I’m in the process of creating some new habits and I think I need to add reading this scripture to the list.

Luke 6:37 - ”Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven.”

It’s the judging and criticizing that’s always been tough for me. I’m not exactly sure why, but it’s probably because I was such a perfect child, and it’s easy to get up on a high horse when you’re perfect. Of course I know I’m not perfect anymore, because I only brush my teeth once a day and I said sh** last week when I stubbed my toe, but it’s still pretty easy to get on that horse.

Hi, my name is Mindy, and I’m prideful.

I have been struggling with this for too long. See this article I wrote in September of 2003: The Dangers of Horseback Riding. It was a problem then and it’s a problem now. I thought I was doing okay and I let my guard down. I let that pride creep back in. How horribly frustrating. I guess the only thing to do now is to climb back down, crawl to Christ’s feet, and request forgiveness. Thank God for giving us that option!