I went to see a doctor last night. In my dreams. It felt strangely real. I met one doctor that told me I had Allergies. Kind of like saying you have Rheumatoid Arthritis, or you have Cancer. You have Allergies! Oh no! But don’t worry, they’ll get better sometimes. And then they’ll get worse, and then they’ll get better again. It’s almost like I live in Michigan.

So then I saw a dentist and he showed me my teeth with a mirror. In the dream I could not believe what I was seeing so I kept staring at the mirror, over and over again. My right molars were rotting from the inside and it was as if someone had cut a cross section of them so I could get a better look. And after a few minutes of staring, the dentist grabbed my teeth and yanked them right out of my mouth. I was horrified. When I woke up, I was still horrified. I still can’t get the image out of my head.

So that dream about the dentist is reinforcing the strong advice my actual dentist is giving me about brushing and most importantly, flossing. Of course I forgot to brush and floss before I went to bed last night so the dream was totally stemming out of a sense of guilt. But whatever motivates me, guilt or nightmares, as long as it gets me flossing I’ll be better off. I had to have seven fillings last year, and just found out that I need four more. And possible four after that unless I get my act together. They told me that these particular cavities are between the teeth, meaning there is no doubt the cause is my lack of flossing, which I admit has been my weakness since I don’t know, forever. I scheduled my appointment to get the fillings on my birthday. How’s that? Happy birthday! You’re 32! Now grow up already and floss your damn teeth.

Last night I had a dream that I was hangin’ out with the Duggars (you know, the family with 18 kids) and I was getting a tour of their ginormous house. While standing in one of the bedrooms my water broke. At 32 weeks pregnant (that part is the only truth to the dream, I’m 32 weeks today). I freaked out a little but Michelle Duggar calmed me down with her sweet demeanor and she drove me to the hospital in their big ‘ole van. And then I woke up. With dry pants, thank goodness.

Pregnancy sure makes me dream weird things. Two nights ago I dreamt that a co-worker hi-jacked my ipod and loaded it with a bunch of crappy Disney theme songs, and then when I went to play the ipod at my desk the volume was turned up super loud and I couldn’t turn it down. I was so hopping mad that when I woke up it took several minutes of chanting “it was just a dream, it didn’t happen, it was just a dream” before I could get my heart to calm down and fall back asleep.

Last night I dreamt I was a soldier in the thick of a battle. I killed some guy (who I’m pretty sure was on our team) and then spent the rest of the dream running from his friend, who was rightfully pissed off.

That one took awhile to recover from, but when I fell back asleep I fell into an even worse dream. A bonified nightmare. I won’t even give you the details because they were so horrific. I’ll just say that the dream left off (meaning thank God I finally pulled myself out of slumber) with me desperately trying to keep John Malkovich’s zombie from coming up the stairs with only an umbrella and a prayer. Oh, and there was background music. Because every good fight scene needs background music.