Okay, not really. I stole it from Rocketboom but it might as well be Mike’s…

Thanks go out to Noel for introducing me to Improv Everywhere. These people are stinking hilarious. This video shows 70 people walking around the mall talking on their “banana phones.” Even better, the background music is courtesy of my favorite children’s artist: Raffi. 

They sell BananaPhones down at The Daily Bagel (bey-gul) for $0.85. What a deal! I’m totally getting one.

Yes, my favorite pair of black dressy pants, my only pair of black dressy pants, have reached the end of their useful life. The zipper will not stay up, and I spend all day reaching down to check where it’s at. It’s quite inconvenient when I’m around other people. It’s hard to discreetly reach down and zip up your pants. They are bound to look at you and chuckle because of course they think you just came from the bathroom and forgot that last step (Actually, the last step is washing your hands. Can’t forget cleanliness.).

Oh, speaking of cleanliness in the bathroom. Mike and I were chatting awhile back, as we do on occasion, and he had the brilliant idea that they should make baby wet wipes, but for adults, and you could flush them. I informed him that they already do, and they are available to the public for a small fee. A few days ago he came out of the bathroom and said this to me:

Remember when we talked about how it would be cool if they made flushable wet wipes? Well I noticed the package of wipes on the back of the toilet…

The package of wipes he was referring to reads “Just wipe clean and flush!” However, it also reads (in large print so it shall not be missed) ”Toilet Cleaning Wipes.” That, unfortunately, was the part he did not read. OUCH.

From a January 2008 podcast of “A Prairie Home Companion’s News from Lake Wobegon”:

I had a boy under the old system of parenthood, back before most of you were born. This under the old system, where men were out busy hunting and fighting heathen savages and we were just brought into villages for breeding purposes then we wandered off again and we’d come back to see the child after the child was born. We’d walk in smeared with blood and one ear half chewed off wrapped in animal skins and we’d walk in and look at the child and we’d grunt and then we’d go off and hunt and fight some more and eventually the child sort of grew up on his own and you came  back and here was this young man there.

And now to have a child under the new system of parenthood, in which parents are assumed to be vitally involved in every step of their child’s life and arrange their children’s social life and read every book available on the subject of childrearing, which is like having a second unpaid job.

Makes me nostalgic for the old way that I grew up under. (more…)

When you’ve been married almost 9 years the awkward moments become few and far between, but I had one this morning.

I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. The shower was running and my clothes were already off when I noticed the toilet wasn’t flushing properly. Being the superior plunger I am (thanks to my brother, believe it or not) I jumped at the chance to plunge. Apparently my husband heard all the noise I was making and came into the bathroom to check on me (I am just getting over the stomach flu), only to find me standing over the toilet, naked, with a plunger in my hand. Sexy. We might have to rethink our open door policy.

I e-mailed this 90′s Flowchart to a co-worker earlier this week. When she called me today I mentioned it saying that I thought I had “Ice, Ice, Baby” on my ipod. Sure enough, I had it. I had a headphone in one ear and the phone on the other. I began to sing along with my ipod. I sang three words of the song – “Stop. Collaborate and listen…” and I kid you not, she continued singing the rest of the verse. Word for word. On beat with my ipod. It was the most amazing thing. I was hearing Vanilla Ice in my right ear and Stacey in my left. In sync. I could not believe it.

Stacey, you rock a mic like a vandal.

toothpastefordinner.com

It’s Leap Day, the only day where it is acceptable for women to propose marriage.

As the story goes, the tradition of women romantically pursuing men in leap years began in 5th century Ireland, when St. Bridget complained to St. Patrick about the fair sex having to wait for men to propose. Patrick finally relented and set February 29 aside as the day set aside allowing women the right to ask for a man’s hand in marriage.

The tradition continued in Scotland, when Queen Margaret declared in 1288 that on February 29 a woman had the right to pop the question to any man she fancied. Menfolk who refused were faced with a fine in the form of a kiss, a silk dress, or a pair of gloves given to the rejected lady fair.

Single ladies, this is your chance! Go out and get ‘em!

60% Of Federal Budget Wasted On Eating Out

I love The Onion.

Dave Ramsey Pickup Lines:

• I still have money in my “restaurant” envelope … can I buy you dinner?
• Would you like to dance? I’d love to show you my Baby Steps.
• Why am I nervous about talking to you? Because you’re better than I deserve.
• Allow me to introduce myself … I am “borrower”, and you must be “lender”.
• Good thing I just got term life insurance … because I saw you and my heart stopped!
• You can’t spell Financial Peace University without U and I.
• I’ve already kicked Sallie Mae out. Want to take her place?
• I just bought a bass boat with cash … and it’s a good thing, because you’re quite a catch!
• I’m not mortgage interest baby … don’t write me off.
• The good news? I’m debt free. The better news? I’m also date free.
• What would you say if I asked you out? (response: no) That’s not good enough.
• Courtesy of one of Dave’s listeners: On a scale of 350-850, I’m a Zero!