So… I had a baby on Thursday. It’s kind of a big deal, you know? Let me tell you all about it.

Thursday morning we arrived at the hospital at 9 am for the c-section scheduled for 11 am. Our excitement was derailed briefly when the nurses told us that my sister, who had driven almost two hours to be there with me, could not stay. We were aware that the hospital had implemented a strict visitor policy due to the H1N1 virus, but it was apparently not communicated clearly enough. I had even run the idea by my OB to be sure it would be okay. He said it would be fine, but the nurses would not budge. I understand the importance of the policy and I understand that they can’t just go around making exceptions to it, but it was quite upsetting. I cried, in fact. It was the most I have cried since being here at the hospital.

I knew I couldn’t dwell on it and that there was more work to be done, so I said goodbye to my sister, pulled myself together, and started the pre-op process. A nurse went through a series of questions and hooked me up with some IV fluids. They did some other standard stuff and then it was simply time to wait. This part proved to be the hard part for me. Sitting there waiting it didn’t take me long to start feeling the pressure of what was about to happen and anxiety crept in. I started to tremble from head to toe and I could not sit still to save my life. I just wanted to get it over with. Surgery is scary stuff, especially when you know you’re going to be awake for it.

The time eventually came – thank God – and they escorted me into the operating room. Mike had to wait outside while they administered me the spinal. It’s just like getting an epidural. You sit on the edge of the table, hold still, round your back and wait. I could not hold still because the trembling was so bad, but the nurse did a great job of holding me down so I didn’t just bounce off the table. I was having flash backs to Luke’s labor and delivery (and eventual emergency c-section) but once the drugs were in my system I stopped thinking about that and just thanked God repeatedly for calming the shakes in my body. My arms were still shaking a bit off and on but they let Mike into the operating room at that point so that helped to calm me. It was fantastic being able to just stare into his big blue eyes while we waited for the fun to begin.

The c-section seemed to take forever and it was scary and uncomfortable but when they yanked Natalie from my belly I breathed the biggest sigh of relief. And then when we heard her cry that first cry, I shed a tear or two and thanked Jesus for getting me through it and for keeping her healthy. I marveled at her tiny frame and her big feet, long fingers and long toes. And I know I will laugh at myself for saying this, but her cry was the most precious sound in the world. Not one of those tinny, piercing cries. It was her voice, and it was music to my ears.

It’s been a smooth ride ever since! Natalie is a pro at eating, sleeping, and pooping. We are very proud parents Not only is she healthy, but she’s gorgeous.

Natalie is doing well. I am doing well. I had some side effects from the pain medication on the first day – a little vomiting, a lot of itching – but those meds are out of my system and now I’m just taking oral medication for the pain and they are working great. It doesn’t take away the pain completely but it makes it manageable. I also gave myself my first injection of my MS medication yesterday and although we feared the side effects of that one, I experienced a little bit of aching but nothing even worth mentioning. That is a downright miracle and answer to prayer. And the injection wasn’t that bad! The needle was actually the easy part. It’s the insertion of the meds that stung a lot, but I barely felt the needle, and that’s the part I had anxiety about.

It’s been kind of dull here at the hospital but we are thankful for that. You never want hospital stays to be eventful. So we just wait, we enjoy our time with Natalie, get rest when we can, and tomorrow we’ll be going home. It will be good to be home again.

So yeah. All is well. Or as Mike would say, IT’S ALL GOOD.

I can’t believe the day is already this close. It’s been a long journey, this pregnancy. Typical for me as far as pregnancy goes. A horrendous first trimester filled with worship at the altar of porcelain, tachycardia appearing in the second trimester, then lots of lower back pain as the baby grew. The third trimester has actually been pretty kind to me as far as pregnancy discomfort, but that would just be too good to be true so we threw in an onset of neurological issues and a new diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Needless to say, the past couple months have been a little stressful.

MS is a big hairy deal and requires a lot of action and research and fighting – you can’t just sit back and see what happens. So my mind has been there mostly, but I have been working hard to keep my “eye on the prize” so to speak. I have needed to find some excitement in the midst of it, to remember that I’m having a baby! and she’s going to bring us joy! That has been difficult for me to stay focused on, but now the time has come. She will be in my arms tomorrow.

Life with a newborn will be tough. Recovering from a c-section will be tough. Starting MS medication will be tough. But I know that there will be plenty of room for smiles and I will get through it. I have the most supportive husband on the planet, and a vast network of friends and family who seem to just be chomping at the bit to jump in and help at a moment’s notice.

Natalie Joy, I can’t wait to meet you and hold you in my arms! You are going to love being a part of this family, I just know it

I’m 38 weeks and counting down the days until the c-section. Six more days! And tomorrow it will be five! I feel extremely ready and anxious to meet baby Natalie and to not be pregnant anymore. As far as the pregnancy goes, I’ve been feeling surprisingly well. I’m not having any pelvic pain and not much lower back pain either. Natalie is still a really active baby and she is constantly reminding me that she is here, just waiting to get out.

I’m struggling a lot with walking as the MS is causing my legs to be stiff and weak, and they don’t seem to like the added 40 or so pounds I’ve added to my smallish frame. Since this whole MS thing is new to me I have no idea how it’s going to feel after I have the baby, and that’s partly why I’m so anxious to not be pregnant anymore. I’m crossing my fingers and expecting that walking will be much easier after I recover from the surgery.

The doctor put me on maternity leave two weeks early, so as of last Thursday afternoon I’ve been off work. It’s been nice to get the extra rest but I do miss the office and I have to be careful not to go stir crazy. Mike has been getting me out of the house for brief trips to run errands. Other than that I keep busy by napping, eating, and playing games on Facebook. I’m seriously addicted to Cafe World. I’m looking for a support group.

It is days like these I wonder if I’m gonna make it. I have felt strong and positive up to this point about the MS diagnosis, but the last few days have been very hard. Obviously being 36 weeks pregnant is making it worse than it needs to be, but I have 18 days until the baby will be delivered via c-section. Eighteen days seems like FOREVER when it takes every ounce of gumption you have to do routine tasks such as rolling over in bed or standing up or walking three feet. I know mobility goes down the more and more pregnant you get, but the MS just compounds the issue. It’s getting cold here in Michigan and when my legs are cold they tighten right up, making it extremely difficult to move or bend them. I try to keep them warm but I can’t feel if they are getting too cold because the sensation in my legs and feet is all messed up. My nerves are like a chewed up power cord and the messages aren’t getting through to my brain. It’s like a sick game of Telephone.

Every day I struggle with the thought of starting my maternity leave early. Every morning the thought of one more day of work torments me. But really, the real hard work is just the work of moving around. If I can just get to my desk each day then the hard part is over. It actually helps to be able to just sit and focus on something other than the crap going on with my body. When I’m working I don’t feel like such a prisoner.

I guess you could say today is a bad day. I know there will be bad days but there will be good ones too. And maybe sometimes the days will have a little of both good and bad. It’s only noon so it’s not too late for a little good to show up. And if it doesn’t, there is always tomorrow.

Forget Halloween. Forget Thanksgiving. Christmas will be here before you know it, and that is all that’s on my mind right now. I’m listening to Christmas carols on my ipod and it’s really getting me into the Christmas spirit. As I’m sitting here contemplating the miracle of Christ’s birth all those years ago, I’m thinking of the anticipation people must have been feeling. In a world of pain and suffering, the coming King was their source of hope and joy.

I guess you could say I’m in my own little world of pain and suffering right now, in definite need of hope and joy. The MS diagnosis is still fresh on my mind and I am still in extreme discomfort. There is so much to process and learn. So much room for fear and yet I continue to look to my Saviour for hope and joy in the midst of it all. It’s not a tangible source, and God knows that, so he has given me something real, something I can hold on to – in the literal sense, not the figurative.

He has given me a baby girl: Natalie Joy. She will be born in just a few short weeks and the anticipation of seeing her face and holding her in my arms is what’s keeping me on the sunny side. I’m choosing the name “Natalie” to remind me of the miracle birth of Christ (it literally means “Christ’s birthday”) and ”Joy” to remind me that there is always joy to be found in the midst of pain. Also I think it’s a beautiful name and Mike agrees

This baby girl in my belly is set to be born in 3 weeks and we still have not settled on a name. We have been trying on names to see how they fit but up until this point I hadn’t been able to commit to any of them.  As of this morning I think I decided on a winner (Mike says I have final say since he took the lead in naming Luke). I’m not telling anyone though. Not yet. Maybe soon. We’ll see. I have a really nice story to go along with it so I think I’ll wait until I tell Mike the story and then write it up all nice to put on the blog. It will be sweet, I promise. You may even cry.

I’m not going to go into too much detail here because it’s a lot to explain, so let me try to summarize.

The problem showed itself more than 5 weeks ago when I started to experience numbness and tingling in the left side of my face. Around that time I also started experiencing a great deal of pain and itching in my upper arm. We consulted with doctors, made a trip to the emergency room, and eventually scored a referral to a neurologist. The neurologist ordered an MRI of my brain. Since I am pregnant there isn’t much testing they can do, but a brain MRI is a good start. About one week after the MRI I started experiencing numbness and tingling in my feet. It scared me, but I hung on to the hope that it was just caused by the pregnancy. Then the numbness started spreading. Over the course of a week or so, the numbness spread upward on my right side, all the way up to my breastbone. In addition to numbness and tingling, I also started noticing that my muscles felt very weak in my right leg and I was having trouble walking (more trouble than you would expect even at 7 months pregnant). It scared me – big time - but I hung on to the hope that it was just caused by the pregnancy.

I finally met with the neurologist to go over my MRI results just this past Tuesday. My husband came with me for support (he would have it no other way) and it was a good thing he did. As I sat there at the neurologist’s desk, the doctor announced to us as gently and compassionately as he could that I have multiple sclerosis. If you put all the pieces together - the three occurrences of numbness and tingling, the MRI results, and possibly the third nerve palsy I experienced in 2004 – MS is the only explanation.

And this changes everything.

The unknown is always scary. Giving my experience a name doesn’t exactly cure that. Multiple sclerosis is a whole world of unknowns. Everyone’s experience is as unique as their fingerprints. And you just don’t know what your experience will end up looking like. My faith in God is crucial in dealing with this. I am scared, but I can’t imagine how much more scared I would be if I didn’t have my relationship with God.

What do I do next? Well, at this point we are focusing on getting me through this pregnancy. The Neuro tells us that the chance of having a greater “attack” within 3 months of having a baby is very high. He recommends an injectible drug that I would need to start taking immediately after I have the baby. It’s not safe for pregnancy or breastfeeding, so I’ll have to start stocking up on formula. It’s a bummer because I was planning on breastfeeding, but I know it’s important for a momma to be healthy so she can care for her children. Healthy mom, healthy baby. That’s what matters.

We’ve also had a complete reversal in our childbirth plans. I was so gung-ho on having a natural delivery so I could let my body do what it’s designed to do. The irony here has not escaped me. Now my body is changing in ways it shouldn’t. With all the numbness, tingling, and muscle weakness I do not believe my body could successfully push out a baby. We have decided to schedule a repeat cesearean section and strangely, I have complete peace about it. In four short weeks I’ll be holding my baby in my arms. And I hope to have moments upon moments where that will be all that matters. I hope to let all this talk of illness and fear fade to the back while I enjoy gazing into my daughter’s eyes and counting her fingers and toes.

I am a cold weather girl. Raised in Michigan, I love the changing of seasons. I always look forward to fall weather and this year is no different. We’ve had some chilly days lately and I’ve been more than happy to pull out my long sleeves and socks and cuddle up on the couch with a soft blanket. In fact, that’s what I’m doing right now. Except that I’m actually wearing Mike’s long sleeves because none of mine really fit now.

I’m especially looking forward to this year’s autumn season because with it comes the birth of our new baby girl. She’s due to arrive around November 11th, and by then it will be plenty chilly. Her newborn days will be quite different than Luke’s were. Luke was born in late May, so my days with him on maternity leave were spent sweating. And sweating is no fun when you are nursing a newborn and healing from a c-section. This time I’ll be nursing a newborn in the chilly days of November and December. And since Mike is still not working, he will be home too. We’ll all be together, all four of us: Mike, Luke, me, and Baby Sister. I have visions of couch cuddling and cooing over the new baby. Smiles and hugs and kisses. Laughter. Tears of joy. What do you know? The tears of joy have already begun to be shed…

I’m 33 weeks today! Four more weeks and I’ll be considered full term as far as my doctor is concerned. Then the waiting begins.

My OB has approved my birth plan, with the exception of one thing: because I’m trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) he wants me to be on the monitors continuously. I was hoping for intermittent so that I can be free to walk around a little, but he’s not comfortable with that. He knows the risks better than I do, so I’m okay with it. At least I’m working all this out now so I can process it. I think if I waited and asked at the time of labor and delivery, I would be very disappointed. I really just want to be able to stand and rock or sit on a birthing ball if that’s what will help me deal with the contractions. I’m pretty sure I could do that while still attached to the monitors.

I’m getting a tad nervous about labor and delivery. I sneezed last weekend and pulled that round ligament that causes pregnant women so much grief. The pain didn’t last more than a minute but OH MY I thought I had just been stabbed with a rusty knife. It scared the crap out of me (not literally, thank goodness). It was a very real reminder that I am going to have a good deal of pain coming up to deal with and I started to doubt that I will be able to handle it. I still don’t want the epidural (after my first experience with it, I’ll have to pass) but I think I’m opening my mind to the possibility of narcotics such as nubain or stadol. We’ll just have to see. At this point all I can do is start praying and don’t stop. I’m praying that God would help me deal with the anxiety and squelch the fears that keep creeping up. In my experience, prayer WORKS, so I’m going with that!

Last night I had a dream that I was hangin’ out with the Duggars (you know, the family with 18 kids) and I was getting a tour of their ginormous house. While standing in one of the bedrooms my water broke. At 32 weeks pregnant (that part is the only truth to the dream, I’m 32 weeks today). I freaked out a little but Michelle Duggar calmed me down with her sweet demeanor and she drove me to the hospital in their big ‘ole van. And then I woke up. With dry pants, thank goodness.