The P.A. at my doctor’s office told me no caffeine. None. Not a drop. Normally, she says, one or two cups of coffee per day would be okay, but with my history of heart problems with pregnancy….

So I’ve been without coffee since Thursday. Ugh. I am so sleepy! Maybe if I drink a cup of decaf it will trick my brain. I miss my coffee. Oh, coffee, you were such a good friend to me. I will not forget you. Soon we will be together again!

I used to be one of those people who was afraid to talk to strangers. Then I got pregnant. People love talking to pregnant women. They all ask the same questions: When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Is this your first? Have you decided on a name yet? Mike and I joked about getting a t-shirt that had all the answers printed on it so I could stop having to answer them myself. To this day I still have to fight the urge to interrogate strangers about their pregnancies, because though I remember how annoying it was for me, I still want to KNOW, you know?

The thing about it is, it really broke me of my anxiety around strangers. I knew there was no way for me to avoid them, so I decided to have fun with it. I found I actually enjoyed making chit-chat with the bank tellers and the grocery store cashiers, and I still do it today. It was somewhat gratifying to be able to make them smile by telling a stupid joke about pregnancy or by asking them about their own children. As it turns out, strangers aren’t so scary. Most of them are actually nice, normal people! (It’s sad that it took me 30 years to learn this.)

I thought strangers would stop talking to me after I had the baby, but they have not. Only now they do it to Mike too. They do it to whoever has the boy. I know every parent thinks their baby is the cutest, and we have not been shy about feeling the same way about Luke, but this kid draws a crowd. We can’t take him anywhere! He’s always flashing that flirtatious grin and people just eat it up. We were at Wally-World the other day and the cashier was drooling over him. Then on the walk to the car we passed a group of young girls and as we passed they said to each other “Did you see that baby? He’s so cute!”. Then as we were loading the car the woman next to us started cooing at him and asking us how old he was. This kind of stuff happens all the time. You should see him at our neighborhood grocery store. He’s famous now. Every time Mike brings him in I think the cashiers send out a page that says “Mike’s here with his little boy! Gather ’round!”. It’s crazy.

I’m just worried about this next baby, cuz you know the second child is always compared to the first, and at this point Baby #2 doesn’t stand a chance.

Nothing exciting going on with this pregnancy yet. I’m finding it hard to not compare the 2nd pregnancy to the 1st. Against my better judgment I decided to read my old journal to find out when the morning sickness started last time. It started at six weeks, and I’m currently at 5 1/2 so I’m just sitting around waiting for the puke fest to begin. I guess it’s possible it won’t ever come, but I’m not counting on it. I’m just enjoying every day I have as a normal eater, knowing it could be my last for awhile. One thing I was surprised to read in that journal was the whole morning sickness phase only lasted 4 weeks. Four weeks! It felt like eternity at the time.

So I haven’t had any real symptoms yet, but of course it’s pretty early for that. I did have a familiar episode today - out of the blue I started to feel lightheaded and it was difficult to breathe. I remembered that feeling from my second trimester with Luke. It turned out to be tachycardia (rapid heart rate) and I spent four days in the hospital while the maternity and cardiology departments fought over who was responsible for making a diagnosis. Thankfully they put me on a simple medication that even at a low dose solved the problem. Today I took my pulse to see if it was the same thing going on and my heart rate was at 128. A normal rate should be below 100, so that’s a bit high. I’ll be keeping an eye on it and if it becomes a problem I’m sure they can just put me on the metoprolol again.

This evening as I sat watching Mike’s softball game I felt like I needed to vomit but I think it was just my tummy telling me it didn’t appreciate the greasy pizza I had for dinner. Speaking of pizza (my favorite food ever), I’m watching a show on the Food Network that’s all about pizza. It’s bringing back all those great memories of working at Pizza Hut when I was in high school. Awesome.

Oh yes, folks! Last Monday my hCG level was at 98. Two days later it was at 252. You know what that means, don’t you? It means I am p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t! I’m still in a little bit of shock about it. I mean, we wanted to get pregnant but we certainly didn’t expect it to happen so fast. I got pregnant with Luke after seven years of infertility, so when we made the decision to try for another baby we braced ourselves for another long wait. God had other plans, obviously. I went off the birth control (copper IUD) on May 19th. That was exactly four weeks ago. Four weeks. Compared to seven years that seems like a nano-second.

The conversation with the medical lab last Monday was interesting. I called to get the results for my blood test and I was totally expecting that it would be negative and that I was probably just four days late because of the IUD removal. (By the way, I am never late. Not even a day. I could count on my hand how many times in 15 years I have been late. At least for this. I can’t say I’m so punctual in other areas of my life.) When I asked for my results the tech said, “Well, your beta is 98.” I had no idea what that meant so I asked for clarification. “Let’s see, at 98 that would put you at 1-2 weeks pregnant.”

It was funny how he emphasized the number of weeks. As if that’s the part I was really interested to hear. I was dumbfounded. I had taken two home tests and both had come up negative. (Interesting note: One of the home pregnancy tests I took was still in the bathroom trash, in full view from the toilet. I discovered that night that the second line had showed up after I threw it out. Apparently I was just too impatient.)

“So… that’s like a positive pregnancy test?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“So… so I’m pregnant?”

“Yeah.” (Translation: “I did my job and gave you the results. Can I hang up now?”

“Okay then. Huh. Okay, that’s a good thing. Yeah, this is good. Okay, thank you.”

I replayed that conversation in my head all afternoon. I keep saying to myself: I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. Although I’m still slowly wrapping my head around it, I am super stoked and Mike is too. We are extremely grateful to God for blessing us so quickly and we are praying for a healthy pregnancy.

It’s funny, I had a feeling this was going to be a good year but there is no way I could have imagined this! And don’t worry, I’ll be posting all the gory details for those who are as obsessed with pregnancy as I am

My hormones are seriously misbehaving. If I could actually see them I would give them all a time out. They are running around all over the place! My hair is falling out (see previous post), my milk supply is up and down with no apparent pattern, and more often than not I feel like I’m on the verge of tears. 

I’m especially feeling anxiety about this breastfeeding thing. I’ve been pumping at work twice a day but Luke is eating more now and what I’ve been pumping is no longer enough. That and the “Surprise! You didn’t make any milk today!” makes for a frustrating time. I think it might be time to put him on all formula during the day (he’s already getting some) and just nurse him in the morning and at night. The “what if” running through my head is what if I stop pumping and then I stop producing altogether? Am I ready to be done with breastfeeding? Am I throwing in the towel too early? I had said I wanted to go for six months and he is not quite four months old. I may have underestimated how hard it is to do this while working and I may not be giving myself enough credit for making it this far. I wonder why this feels like such a big deal to me, when it didn’t before. Can anyone explain that?

Thankfully I don’t have to make any major decisions right now and at work all I’m responsible for is running reports and making spreadsheets. I love my new job

Most of you may have heard already, but Luke is here! He was born last Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 11:46 am. His weight was 6 lb. 11 oz. and his length was 19 inches. He is as handsome as can be and extremely healthy. He is catching on quickly to all the newborn duties: eating, sleeping, pooping. We are very proud parents.

His arrival turned out to be quite an exciting one. I went in for my weekly prenatal visit on Wednesday and the doctor determined that I had preeclampsia. He decided to admit me into the hospital to stay overnight and induce labor in the morning. I called Mike to let him know and before I knew it they were wheeling me over to labor and delivery.

Wednesday evening they gave me some medication to soften things up and get me ready for dialating. This started contractions for me right away but they were mostly very mild. In the wee hours of the morning I was having some pretty strong contractions and was having to really start relying on Mike to calm and comfort me. At 6:30 am Thursday morning they gave me pitocin to really get things moving. By 7:30 am they broke my water and and I was on my way! My mom and sister arrived around 8 am and were a huge help in keeping me relaxed and focused. After a few hours of contractions coming nearly one after the other and increasing in strength, I was ready for the epidural.

At around 11 am the anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural. He kicked Mom and Kari out so it was just the staff and Mike in there with me. I really didn’t know what to expect with the epidural but I never would have expected what happened next. After they injected the numbing medication and inserted the catheter, I felt a very warm sensation from my waist down to my toes. The sensation quickly subsided and I was left with absolutely no feeling in my body from my shoulders down. I stated this to the doctor but I don’t think he quite understood because he then asked me to sit straight up.  I could not sit up. I couldn’t feel a thing. Mike and the nurse started to push me up, thinking they were assisting me in sitting up, when in reality they were doing all the work for me. They loosened their hold on me just a bit and I immediately began to fall to the side. They caught me just in time.

This is when the anesthesiologist realized something had gone terribly wrong. My understanding is that the medicine mistakenly got injected directly into the spinal sac rather than in the space around it (the epidural space). The result was a temporary paralysis. I cannot begin to tell you how terrified I was. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I had no feeling in my body, not even a mild sensation. I could still move my head and talk but that was it. I could see the nurse moving my body to adjust my position on the bed but it was like I was watching it from across the room.

I believe it was at this point that they realized the baby’s heart rate was dropping. I heard someone say C-section and that added to my panic. That was the one thing I had not prepared mentally for. Doctors and nurses were rushing into the room. It was complete chaos. They instructed Mike to put on a set of scrubs and before I could process what was happening we were in the operating room and I could hear little Luke crying. Just like that, he was here. I looked over to my left and Mike was holding Luke next to my head. I’ll never forget that two seconds in time when I got to see his face. His head was perfectly round with chubby cheeks and a tiny bit of dark blonde hair on top. His eyes were scrunched closed, but it seemed as if he were looking at me like he knew who I was.

As quickly as he came, they whisked him away. They invited Mike to come over to see Luke but he wouldn’t leave my side. He knew I was scared and that right then I needed him more. We waited there together as the doctors stitched me up. I could start to feel the tugging on my belly as the anesthesia was wearing off quickly. By the time they brought me to the recovery room I was fairly lucid and in quite a bit of pain. Luke was in the nursery getting his breathing checked out. He was grunting a bit just following delivery so they wanted to be sure his breathing was okay. After about an hour and a half they brought him in to meet me. I was still in shock from all that had happened and even though he was there in my arms I really didn’t understand yet that this was my baby; this was the little guy that I had spent the last nine months with.

Thursday ended up to be the worst day of my life and the best day of my life all at the same time. Things certainly didn’t go how we expected, but God was there through all of it and kept us safe and healthy. I’m just so glad Luke is here now and that everyone is okay. He is a picture of health and we are enjoying every minute we have with him. I am moving slowly but I am healing well so far. Motrin does wonders. Mike has been an amazing help. He eased right into the role of father. He is taking care of many of the duties I would be trying to do were I not recovering from the C-section. We have been saying that I am basically just a milk machine. Luke comes to me for food and Mike handles everything else. It’s a huge job, taking care of both of us, but he does it all with a smile and a giddyness I have never seen in him.

So that is my birth story, and next I’ll post some pictures of our beautiful baby boy. A ginormous thank you goes out to everyone for all the help and support you have given us. We are blessed beyond measure.

Friday was my last day working but I plan on going in today for a couple of hours to offer help with payroll, if needed. Other than that, I’m done. Just waiting now for the baby to come. It could be tomorrow, it could be next week. It’s torture just sitting around waiting for it, not knowing. I’m scrutinizing every little pain in my belly. And there is pain to scrutinize. Poor Luke is crowded and heavy, and every time he moves he pinches or pushes on something. I feel like I’m bruised on the inside.

I am glad I’m not working because I need the rest, but how many hours in a day can you rest? I have to find other nonstrenuous things to do. It shouldn’t be difficult. There is always dust or cat hair to clean up, papers to sort through, and dishes that need washing.

Here are some goals I’m setting for myself this week:

• Compile FPU class testimonials and send in to Dave Ramsey’s office
• Make a meal plan for the next two weeks
• Buy groceries
• Declutter the papers in the office
• Fold and put away laundry
• Return pop bottles

I think all that will be enough to keep me from going insane with boredom. We’ll see how it goes.

I was 38 weeks on Saturday, so I now have less than two weeks to go until my due date, May 19. I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. Who knows if I’m ready to be a mother of a newborn. I don’t think you’re ever ready for such a huge task, you just learn as you go I guess. I look forward to the challenge. Bring it on.

I had intended to keep working right up until I have the baby but I changed my mind. My last full day will be Friday, and I’ll just come in for a few hours on Monday to help the new girl with payroll. I can handle being tired and slow and out of breath, but I’m having some pain since the baby has dropped so low and that is why I thought it best to finish out this week and rest until Luke comes. And who knows, maybe he’ll come before then. We’ll see!

Mike is coming along on the baby’s room. He re-drywalled the closet and refinished the wood floor. He’s putting the last coat on the wood floor tonight. Then starts the painting of the walls. He’ll be completing that task the same way he’s been doing everything else - small steps in the evenings after he gets home from a long day of work. He has been working so hard and I haven’t heard one word of complaint from him. I am so blessed to have such an amazing man for a husband.

I’ve been training my replacement here at work and I’m pretty confident she’ll do well while I’m gone. She’ll be here any minute actually, so I should get back to work.

I know I’ve taken quite a hiatus from blogging. I just didn’t know pregnancy would have such an effect on my blogging motivation. I used to itch to post but lately I just never seem to get around to it. It’s been unintentional and I hope to get back to it soon. We’ll see.

Now that I am looking most undeniably pregnant, I get lots of comments & questions from people. “When are you due?”, “Is this your first?”, “You are so big!”, stuff like that. But today I got one I’ve never heard before:

“What happened, did you have an allergic reaction to something?”

That’s just darn funny, not to mention a nice change from all the standard questions.

Seriously, where has my blogging motivation gone? It disappeared somewhere in my first trimester.

These days have been flying by. Work has been both busy and stressful and I am really looking forward to having the time off when the baby comes. That will be a busy and stressful time but it will be much different, mainly because there will be a cute baby involved. At least I hope he’s cute. I guess I’ll love him the same either way.

Last weekend Heather and Sarah came over to help me organize the baby stuff we have received so far. I have the best friends ever!! Now everything is categorized and in bins. It’s still in the living room, but at least there is some order to it. I was so overwhelmed by it all that I know I couldn’t have done it myself. I would have given up way too early.

I had a baby shower a couple of weeks ago that went really well. It was for my family, put on by family, and it was a great time. Mom and Kari have posted pictures, so check them out. I have another shower with my friends a week from Saturday and I am so excited for it. The best part of these showers is getting to see all these people I haven’t seen in awhile. And also I’m just blown away at everyone’s generosity. We are so blessed.

I’ve been cross-stitching for the last few weeks. It seems to occupy my mind better than crocheting or knitting, so it’s been a good stress reliever. I’m working on the Christmas ornaments I started years ago. I hope that’s not what brought the snow in April. If it is, I apologize. But it’s probably not because really I don’t hold that kind of power. God does, but I don’t think his sense of humor is that twisted.